Law Sch thru the eyes of an Ah Peck

awol

2006-07-01T01:37:00.000+08:00

haha it's a true sign of how dead/un-unpdated your blog is when you forget your userid to log in!

sigh, this month is the start of a particularly leceh and yet exciting, worrying time... yup. it's time for pupilage applications.
ugh.
if only it were more user-friendly and you could just get everything in your mailbox like they do all the time in law school.

and to whoever started the whole run down and hand submit your CVs at law firms on the first day nonsense, i have this to say:

MAY THE FLEAS OF A THOUSAND SEA-SICK REINDEER INFEST YOUR GENITALS. AND NOT JUST NORMAL FLEAS, FLESH EATING, PUS-INDUCING, FLEAS.

oh well, guess it could be worse. although i don't see how at the very moment.

that said here's a scenario brought about by exciting dinner the other nite.

if you were at a hawker centre/coffee shop, looking for a table, and some random drunk (or maybe he was just having a bad day) slapped your mom for no particular reason, would you:

a) slap him back
b) beat him into a pulp
c) offer him a high 5 (no, not the australia kids' show) and a 'wait to go! dude'
d) just stare daggers at him, call the police and try to ensure he doesn't run for it

ok disclaimer. it wasn't my mom, in case u were wondering. and the family involved went for option d.

now except for all u people who hate your moms, i'm guessing that it would be option a or b that you'd pick?

honestly i'd like to think i'd cripple the bastard. but hey, paul tells me that chainsaws don't solve all problems. bah pacifists. haha.

let's get a poll going people.

reality tv and luck

2006-05-24T10:30:00.000+08:00

it has been a bad run of reality tv endings for me the past couple of weeks.

first, in Survivor (which i only started following in the last 5 or so episodes), the contestant i was rooting for got knocked out of the final 4 because of some lame fire-building contest because there was a tie in votes.

then, came the hippies winning the Amazing Race. don't get me wrong, i think they're people i could spend time with and have a good time. but it seems to me like they won alot based on luck. escaping elimination twice, generally sucking in challenges and stuff, they really seemed to have won by sheer luck. well i didn't manage to catch the finale so if they really kicked ass then more power to them, but i really would have prefered to see a team that had been consistently performing well win the race.

so let me digress here into a little side rant. why is it that 'good guys' always seem to need a little bit of luck to win the day? when it really comes to the crunch, to the penultimate moment, it always seems in fiction and sometimes reality, that the nice guys need some element of luck or final push to win.

i'll take the example of lord of the rings (movie here didn't read the books). when frodo finally reaches mt doom with the ring and his erstwhile companion he's faced with a choice: throw the ring into the hot, steamy volcano; or put it on and become a servant of evil and trample middle earth beneath his tiny, hairy feet.

so there he is, defining moment and all. on the crux of perhaps what is the most important decision in the history of middle earth (well save the time some dumbass human king has to make the same decision a couple centuries back). and what happens? the decision is taken out of his hands.

yes that's right, the ugly blobby thing comes flying out of nowhere, bites off his finger and leaps straight into mt doom.

wow. so much for heroism. so if i'm frodo i'm thinking, i flee from my village, get stabbed by black robed ghosty things, get into some seriously bad shite with this fat ass lackey of mine, nearly end up spider food and here i am with my big moment. and Oops. i guess i don't have to make that universe altering decision after all.

booooorrring.

in contrast let's compare this to other fictional 'bad guys' since a comparision with actualy 'villains' in history may make this post offensive. take superman's nemesis lex luthor. he's ruthless, intelligent and builds his empire through planning, strategy and cunning. there is no whoops superman just happened to fall in the path of my incredible destructo beam. villains have to actually work hard to achieve their aims. heroes on the other hand seem to hold the favour of lady luck in getting out of tight spots.

rant over.

anyway, to round off a series of bad reality tv endings (well i didn't really mind aras winning Survivor), now the final 2 for american idol are catherine and that freak of a semi-retard. not to be offensive but i can't help myself. he's a freak and a semi-retard.

admittedly he sings decently, but would it have been so hard to have an eliott and catherine finale?

worst of all i have a sneaking suspicion that he might win. and sadly if that happens i belive this will be another season where the runner up(s) overshadow the winner. (rueben-who? anyone?)

bah. how frustrating. perhaps it's time i rehashed my puke-green ribbon campaign. i think my kharma points just hit an all time low after that post.

cults

2006-03-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

before i go on topic, would just like to say that it's been so long since i last blogged that i initially forgot my userid and password. yeah been pretty remiss about updating but well what's a guy to do when he gets writer's blog (sorry bad pun) and nothing really interesting or exciting happens.

anyway, watched csi tonite abt some suicidal cult started by a conman to cheat young, impressionable college students into giving him money on the belief that they would transcend their physical shells and be invited to a better place. he wasn't the killer. haha

why do people buy into this stuff? i mean gangs, drugs, secret societies, sure i can understand a lonely kid wanting to find a family that he or she doesn't have. but to somehow convince urself that a great spaceship will come down and take your spirit to a better place is just whack! my apologies to tom cruise. it's just plain dumb.

now i may be toeing the line on religious sensitivity here, so please don't seditionize me.

i mean why a spaceship? i mean if u really think about it the only reason why something like that would hold someone's attention, what more adoration and worship, would be because of the mystery of space. the unknown of what's out there. that said, i put it to you that i could set up a religion based entirely on say the great toaster oven of the sea or the divine blender of alpha centauri.

yeah i can see it now. boys and girls, before man had processed food and crsipy bread he lived a sad, culinarily-deprived existence. then one day arose from the depths of the ocean the great toaster oven of the sea. his message was simple: bread that was not only pleasantly warm but also crisp. the benevolent toaster of the sea brought new joy. never before had garlic bread or kaya toast tasted this wonderful, this revolutionary. all he required was obedience and worship.

but man grew greedy. he demanded more. he wanted to cook without fire. he turned to other gods. he placed his faith in the pagan microwave. and a great sadness filled the toaster oven of the sea. and so he left the poeple that he had come to love. his bulk once again sank beneath the waves, far, far below. no one knows where he went, for his body was able to sustain pressures beyond anything the humans had invented.

but hope was not lost for he had left these words of wisdom with his last 12 devotees, men of faith and integrity. he said "my children, you have gone astray and made me sad. i can no longer live among people who worship the evil of the microwave. therefore i must depart forsooth and hitherto. nonetheless i will return henceforth and bring new glory to breads everywhere. and my blessings up pastries shall be as the ocean covers like fish and stuff."

and he was gone.

and so his faithful followers went forth to spread the word. that indeed one day the great toaster oven of the sea would return and his return would be a 'shining chandalier, gloriously illuminating'1 the bread industry.

well that's all i have for now. hopefully i can continue to keep writing stuff here or it'll be pretty pointless to have a blog at all. take care all.

seacrest out.

1 Thanks to Prof Thio Li-Ann for this incredibly funny quote.

Chinese Blah Year

2006-02-01T09:14:00.000+08:00

well far be it from me to be ungrateful, after all there have been a spate of good things that have happened pre-CNY, like i passed my driving. big relief there. and this sem seems to be passing by extremely rapidly, which is a thrill but somewhat distressing. but then CNY seemed to just come and go with nary a splash.

maybe it's symptomatic of growing older, but all the razzle dazzle holidays and festivities just don't seem as bright and wonderful as before. christmas, new year, cny, they've all seemed to have lost their sparkle.

whatever happened to the hmmm for lack of better term 'hallmark' warmth and fuzziness you're supposed to feel around these times? now they just seem to be another day, another day not to come to school or work, maybe to go out and also to relax.

oh well back to the usual school grind. until the next time whenever that might be...

tunnel at the end of the light

2006-01-18T09:12:00.000+08:00

one useful thing about black nails is that people tend to leave you alone. like every seat in the bus will be filled before someone sits next to you, and when they do it's with no small amount of trepidation. i'm pleased.

u know how people who have near death experiences always talk about seeing a light at the end of a tunnel? well what about babies, that almost get born and then get shoved back in? do they complain to the other embryoes (sp?) 'whao dude, i like just saw this huge field of light and then the warm tunnel called me back and here i am. that was close dudes.'

first, yes, it's a well known fact that all babies are inherently american. it's just that when one is born one gets socialised into whatever society one is born into and loses the american accent. it also explains why many, many singaporeans attempt to regain this womb nationality, with various degrees of success. go ahead and listen carefully. as my friends and i have noticed there is always a tell-tale 'acherly' that gives away their game. case in point, none other than our very own vr man, james lye.

i'm beginning to wonder at the point of this post actually (see not acherly - but that's just me being snobbish, oops i mean elitist, must remember to keep s'porean terms after all). bah humbug. i feel disgruntled. it's only really impacted me recently that as an asian male, i will never build a stellar career outside of our sunny shores, unless i strike out on my own. what do i mean? well simply that it seems to me as discrimination goes, asian males are more discriminated against, than females in the ang moh territories. maybe because sociologically, an asian male succeeding is a threat to the virility of the caucasian. maybe it's just that we're annoying yellow skinned buggers with small equipment.

whatever the case is, it means that unless i want to work in a sweat shop, my best chances of building a decent life and having a career where i can feel i'm respected and making a worthwhle contribution is right here. well, not all bad. but i worry about any possible children i may have. see i think our school system is becoming increasingly ridiculous. by the time i have kids, if any, i bet pri 1 math classes will be teaching the theory of relativity, which my lil girl will come home and explain to her dumb dad who can only gawk. and then she probably go into the garden and build a nuclear generator out of 3 barbies and a hair clip.

ah. what a proud dad i will be.

it ain't pretty

2006-01-15T00:22:00.000+08:00

so it's a new semester, some things stay the same and some things change.

being split into two groups for equity is an interesting experience. mostly because u see half empty lts, and somehow i prefer that to when we all get packed together. that's just me i suppose, people, especially en masse are somewhat annoying.

that said this sem feels good. call me masochistic, but i feel a charge from being back in the thick of things. feel more in charge, more directed than last sem, where it felt kinda like just drifting thru classes and like school was secondary to everything else.

now school has to be the no. 1 priority. i hate to sound muggerish, but i know i gotta make up for last sem to keep within the 2.1 bracket so i can end up where i wanna end up. think having people who have experience in practice really helps cos at least that gives u some sort of preview of what working with and in the law's gonna be like.

can't wait to start working. both for the disposable income as well as for putting the knowledge that i've been accumulating to good use. hopefully this doesn't sound insulting to arts people, but i honestly feel that what i'm learning now is so much more practical to what i'll be doing than what i did before.

PS was interesting and all, but it never really felt like it was giving me a direction to what i wanted to do, where i wanted to build a career/life. with law, at least there's a sense of purpose, of direction. it's a personal evolution. like i'm not a wide-eyed kid anymore and i know what i want out of life and for once how to get it.

i dunno about you, but it feels like this is the year, the sem, to go out and live life, with passion, with intensity. to squeeze every drop i can out of my remaining time in school, in life. like this is my destiny and woe to anyone who dares to stand in my way...

haha. watch out y'all hurricane andre has arrived.

new year, hopefully new start

2006-01-08T12:48:00.000+08:00

in an attempt to get some sort of exercise routine going, some friends and i are gonna be attempting to run/gym at the src on a regular basis in the mornings before our lectures this sem. if u're interested drop me a msg. more people will increase the motivation for everyone to come down.

other than that happy new year. 8 days late.

bloody 'ell it's hot!!!

2005-12-17T12:41:00.000+08:00

for those of you who thought australia is nice and cool. forget it.

cairnes is flipping hot! as in toast u until you're a burnt crisp of fried asian delicacy hot. and things aren't cheap either. not like thailand where everything and everyone has a price. here u can't get a decent bargain.

oh well, qn victoria mkt in melbourne was nice. as was the weather there in general. was very cool/cold at times and it even rained once, but i liked it more. cairnes is much more like a grill for too pale ang mohs and jap tourists.

oh well can't complain. after a whole semester in law school i probably look like the underbelly of a fish too. a white fish. a pale, white fish.

ok, will be back in two days, so hang in there and don't miss me too much.

oh and guys don't expect presents. the 'everything is so expensive'line is not only a hint, it's true!

that said the girls will get some small trinkets. sorry lah. girls are just much easier to buy stuff for.

ok see ya, mates. eww. i really cannot abide using an aussie twang.

oh, did u know they're beating up people of middle eastern origin in sydney? how cool is that?

a response

2005-11-17T09:25:00.000+08:00

it came to my attention that another member of our illustrious law school made a post about noise made in the student lounge. as a member of "this group of people [that are (sic)] are part of a large "in-crowd" in school who fancy themselves popular and powerful" i feel i should respond and give our, or rather my side of the story.

we had been in the student lounge for the better part of the morning and i did in fact notice my fellow law stoon come into the student lounge. we had been carrying on our discussion on-and-off thru-out the day. forgive me, but i never did hear your initial 'excuse me's.

all we heard was the sudden strident and, in our opinion, rather rude "i realize this isnt the library, but i would really appreciate it if you'd lower your volume just a little. there are other people here trying to study too. thanks."

u see as much as u thought we were being rude, we thought that u were equally unpleasant. the lounge is after all a lounge, not a library or other venue that enforces a code of silence. had u approached us and requested that we lower our volume with quite a bit less sarcasm and in a tone less snide, i'm sure we would have been more than happy to accomodate u. of course this is all on hindsight which as they say is 20-20.

so let's see, first, u assume we are part of a large 'in-crowd', hardly the case. in fact most of us are equally amused and puzzled that u thought so given that we are hardly 'high profile'.

second, thinking that we ignored u, when in fact we heard neither of your 'polite' excuse mes, u decided to confront us, from ur seat no less, in a tone that was no less than confrontational. if i were a black girl i'd have snapped my fingers in ur face and responded with a "look gurl, if u gotta problem with us u getcho skanky yellow ass over here and say sumthin' yo!?"

i respond to rudeness with rudeness. does this make me someone "materialistic and full of themselves"? hell yeah. but i'm not gonna back down if u're having a bad day and choose to take it out on me and my friends. if we wanted to we could well point out that ur boyfriend is a SNAIL, and has no right to be in a lounge reserved for LAW stoons, something we didn't do. but i guess that's just us being insular and snobbish huh?

i'll call it like i see it, u're a pot.

new names, new powers, new team

2005-11-10T09:12:00.000+08:00

after the collapse of PND in our last episode, things have gone downhill for Kent Ridge City. crime is rampant, exams are coming up and Lao Gu Por and her band of mutant turtle soup turtles have begun a full-scale invasion of the city. yes there was a full blown crisis and not enough superheroes to deal with it.

desperate times called for desperate measures. the Obscure Academic called Bollywood into his office.

"i need u to assemble a team of superheroes. i don't know where u'll get them or how u do it, but find them and soon! or this city will be destroyed."

"so i'm ur agent then?"

"yeah, just don't go around pretending to be jay chou. u don't do the chinese rock/rap thing well. oh and u're indian."
(disclaimer: this is not a racist or seditious statement. it is meant to be satirical. all attempts to take this seditiously will be damn annoying to the author. that's me in case u dumbasses didn't know.)

*************

now Bollywood stood in the small conference room addressing the 'heroes' he had assembled. well heroes is a loose term considering most were recruited from the Changi Institute for the Remand and Rehabilitation of Supervillians ("CIRRS").

"alright scum bags here's the deal. we change ur identities. we update ur powers. and u work for us. otherwise u can go back to being buttraped in prison. and i hear this week's movie is Crossroads."

of course the agreement was unanimous. who wants to watch Crossroads!?

"i will begin ur briefing of ur new identities and powers. please watch the powerpoint slides and video montages carefully lest u get lost."

"erm, but if we don't have our new powers yet, how did u make those montages?" inquired Fixture Girl

"erm. don't ask. it governed by the Official Secrets Act."

"anyway" said Bollywood "you're up first. let me present....."

*************

SMALL FRY

voiceover: "she may look like a small girl, but she gets EVEN SMALLER!"

video montage of Fixture Girl/Small Fry shrinking before the eyes of a very surprised (and somewhat puzzled) enemy.

"but now, as she shrinks, our mad scientists have allowed her to increase her density! what does this do gentle viewers? well that means the smaller she shrinks, the stronger and tougher she gets!"

Small Fry, now the size of chihuahua, picks up the above mentioned enemy, lifts him like 3 inches off the ground, and hurls him with great force into a wall. skip scene to Small Fry stopping a runaway mrt train from running off the tracks. skip another scene to Small Fry carrying an elephant back to its enclosure. (of course u just see the elephant bobbing along 3 inches off the ground, so u must infeer that Small Fry is there.)

"oh, and she also breathes fire, when she's small."

clip of Small Fry lighting a cigarrette for Nipple Detector using her flamebreath.

"erm... how come i got firebreath?"

"well cos we wanted to call u Small Fry but had no justification for the Fry part? anyway moving on we have........"

************

PAULLIE POCKET

"we have integrated the technology from the Green Taxi into this palm-sized, fit-into-your-pocket device. it allows u to create pocket dimensions effectively giving u the power to teleport."

clips of Paullie Pocket dis- and ap- pearing at the Eiffel Tower, Muthu's Curry, the Taj Mahal, Chatuchak (with Small Fry), the girls shower room (hey! abuse of power!) and finally back at Kent Ridge City.

"also incorparated is the ability to use this power offensively"

Paullie teleporting the head off a manequin in a training sequence.

"oh but there are some limits to the teleporting. unfortunately, u can only teleport another 4 people with u, 5 if some are really small. but then Small Fry has to be at the back, which she doesn't like."

"what!?" exclaimed Paullie, "then how's this any better than driving the Green Taxi?"

"lemme see, no parking problems, no need for coupons, no jams, instant transport.... do i need to go on? no? okay then, let's move on to......"

************

CHINA BLACK

"since ur body already allowed u to metabolise alcohol giving u superstrength and endurance, we tweaked ur powers a little, turning u black (so as to fit the codename, and not for seditious purposes). also thanks to ur codename, our team is sponsored by some mysterious club owners (who shall remain unknown for now)."

video montage of Booze Queen, using her superstrength but obviously photoshopped to have black skin. cos whoever did it failed colouring in pri school. yeah, the black came out of the lines, so she looked like a moving black blob of superstrength.

"so u're saying that other than becoming black i have no additional powers!?"

"erm yup"

"siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh."

"okay! let's take a look at........."

**************

SEE WHY

"well ok, i dunno how exactly to make this exciting but u rap."

flash video clip of Kent Ridge Senior's Concert to freshmen. See Why rapping with large, unknown figure who's face has been blurrified.

"what!? what kinda superpower is that? Fok!" exclaimed Tall Freak.

"u show me a black man who can play the er hu and i'll take See Why off the team"

"what the Fok!"

***************

and here i will end for now gentle viewers. tune in next time as i complete the roster. and hopefully have more action.

i killed myself today

2005-10-24T22:31:00.000+08:00

today was a bad day, the worst in a long time. so i thought to myself, let's end it lah.

and so i went to my room, and took out an exacto blade. the kind that we used in school for arts and crafts. the kind you can cut cardboard with. it wasn't sharp anymore, and a little rusty, so i broke off the tip so that the new blade would be sharper. i guess i couldn't do much about the rust so i wiped it as clean as possible. i figure tetanus is not a problem once you're dead anyway right?

so i take the knife. and i remember reading somewhere that you don't cut across your wrist. you should cut along it. so i did. it hurts like blazes! it was like getting a tattoo, but after you make the cuts, it doesn't hurt so bad. it just kinda stings and throbs.

i think i'll skip the whole sit in a bathtub of warm water tho. seems to cliche and dramatic. i thought the blood would come out faster, but it just kinda oozes out and drips. haha it looks like little red flower petals on my floor. red drops on parquet flooring. boy mom's gonna have a hissy fit when she sees this.

it's taking quite a bit of time to die. it's been like 15 mins since i cut myself and here i am still leaking on the floor. and now of course my keyboard. i wonder if this would be covered in laptop insurance if i bought it. haha u really think of the strangest things when you're dying. at least i hope i'm dying. or this will be hard to explain.

hmm, i'm getting sleepy. i wonder if it's because i've lost enough blood to die or i'm just tired from a long, bad day.

guess i'm gonna go lie down now.

happy grandparents' day

2005-10-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

it had not been an especially good night for me. first i dreamt about being at my advo mock trial unprepared, unusually enough, the court setting was like a primary school with those low desks and plastic chairs. honestly why one can be deceived into thinking a dream is real when such obvious annomalies are around is a mystery. anyway, upon waking, i started thinking about my driving test on monday, which of course made me go through like the entire circuit portion in my head. sigh. mental exercise in the morning is not good.

so it's off to school for our final advo tut before the trials starting monday, which turns out more to be a 'jia you! you all can make it!' kind of session rather than anything substantive. but i guess it did have a purpose and all of us feel somewhat less apprehensive about the trails now.

then it was down to town for lunch. unfortunately Taxi Driver did not have the use of the Green Honda Cab, so he, Fixture Girl, Nipple Detector and i were taken for a ride by a taxi driver (note small T, small D) who brought us on a tour of queensway before getting us to Borders. most of the girls and Nice Guy were teleported to town by Tua Girl.

so it was like a small gathering of superheroes and villains at lunch. The Demon and Tua Girl did impressions of Taxi Driver and Fixture Girl leaving all of us rolling in laughter. Booze Queen and Tua Girl gave me balloons that were promptly foisted off on small children (yuck!) and to whoever cares to untie them from the racks at topshop.

then of course whenever you have a gathering of superheroes and villains, u must of course have a fight. this is one area where Taxi Drive actually shines. The Demon kept trapping me using her icy powers and Nice Guy hacked me into little bits. it was terribly annoying. not to mention inconvenient. those who have had to wait a minute to regenerate will know what i mean.

dinner was at Taxi Driver's place. Chansey the Wonder Dog insisted on using her slobber abilities on several of us so alot of time was spent visiting one of Taxi Driver's (only 6) bathrooms. yes bukit timahians consider it a great shame to only have 6 bathrooms. i wonder how we normal folk manage with only 1 or 2.

CY came around and we tried playing the +1/-1 game (ok i'm sure there's a better name for it cos this makes it sound like a game ktv hostesses play with their lao ban clients) but we were solidly trashed by Nice Guy and CY. when your superpowers don't include lightning reflexes, don't play this with them. Tall Freak and L Cubed, came late.

in a nut shell, we ate pizza, Taxi Driver mistook Tall Freak for Fixture Girl and tried to scratch his back, i successfully defeated the evil birthday cake monster (that must've been subject to one of The Demon's freezing blasts), Charmaine (who has not yet disclosed her superhero identity) insisted that i be kinder to children and Tall Freak and L Cubed tried to get us to visit a haunted house. we declined. Taxi Driver then asked if they were "gonna do it tonight". innuendo just leaps out at u doesn't it? after all that CY was kind enough to transport me home.

things i observed/learnt today:
1) law boyfriends are all hen-pecked (and Fixture Girl now also has the alias Hen)
2) dyeing your hair blond makes people comment about it (why lah? is it that shocking?)
3) do not use the spider woman thingy when playing dota, or force the Taxi Driver to use it
4) instruct taxi drivers on the most expedient way to orchard or risk being taken for a ride
5) people think i'm some baby killing monster. i'm not. i only do it to instill discipline. it's for their own good. really.
6) you don't call the outfits that soccer players wear 'costumes'
7) 27 candles on an icecream cake don't warm it up enough to be easy to cut.

well thanks to everyone who made today enjoyable and came down to celebrate my grandparent's day. appreciate the gesture. although i am still expecting presents. expensive ones. but nothing too flashy or tacky. hope u all enjoyed yourselves too!

God bless.

spam posts

2005-10-22T08:26:00.000+08:00

if you see posted messages being deleted from my blog, fear not!

I'm not censoring your comments, i'm removing the annoying spam messages that for some reason seem to have infected my blog. bloody failed dotcom arseholes... mutter mutter

tales of the tall freak

2005-10-17T09:20:00.000+08:00

special guest star: Bae Yong Joon!

Tall Freak sat on his couch, miserable and was crying, with 'incomplete' playing in the background. in my time, the dressing song of choice was 'all by myself' but hey, it's the 21st century right?

so, Tall Freak was sitting there, tears running down his face, when who should walk in but Bae Yong Joon, korean superstar and auntie killer. (cue screaming female fans).

"hi, tall freak" said Bae in a high ptiched breathy voice "what seems to be the matter?"

"fok! i'm damn sad." replied Tall Freak "i'm having a bad hair day again"

"oh dear" whispered the korean "it happens so often i thought you'd be used to it by now."

"fok!"

"you have to remember, that true beauty comes from within" offered Bae batting his eyelashes "just look at me. i'm a non-descript looker, with poofy hair and awful glasses and yet i attract a screaming horde of female fans"

"b-but that's your superpower" said Tall Freak through his sobs. "i will never get a hot jap ger if my hair continues to be a deadly weapon"

"you poor poor boy" said Bae putting a comforting hand on Tall Freak's thigh. "when i was a little boy, my father used to beat me. you know how i made myself feel better? i pictured myself in a glorious valentino gown with pearls and everything. it cheered me up. you just have to find your own valentino gown."

"fok!" exclaimed Tall Freak "get the hell away from me you freak!"

"don't flatter yourself, dahling" purred Bae "you're much too old for me. otherwise you could come play with me on my ranch and meet 거품, (which is korean for Bubbles) my pet monkey."

at this point Tall Freak was turning green.

"anyway i'm off to look for young nubile boyflesh to oogle" Bae intoned and then fluttered off.

"i'm gonna die alone!" wailed Tall Freak.

an evening with the Obscure Academic

2005-10-13T08:39:00.000+08:00

as far as days go, it was one of the most surreal.

oh it started off innocently enough with property tutorial, then lunch and games at settler's, which i highly recommend actually. cos nowhere else can most people play a game about behaeding french nobles and acttually call it a good time. personally, beheading anyone, anytime's good fun to me, but you know, people are squeamish about these things.

and then went to catch a movie, and of course being a law school thing, who but the dean is the guest of honour.

wow. let me say that when you watch a movie like the 40 year old virgin, with the dean, it almost becomes like watching a soft porn movie with your parents in the same room. those of you who have seen it will probably know what i mean, especially at the shower scene.

now, i've never thought of myself as a prude. ok, maybe in my younger more innocent days. but well, when you catch it, you'll probably get what i mean.

highlights would probably include getting a t-shirt thrown by the man himself. it practically flew right into my lap. which was a nice thing. haha, an unexpected momento. hmm. damn that kinda came out wrong, but after u watch a movie about simmering sexual tension u'd be thinking funny too.

all in all, had a really good time. the company was a blast too. must say my friends in school are really making my law school experience great.

like how normal a post is this?

ok am happy. perhaps the reason(s) will become more apparent soon. (i love cryptic messages, especially when i know what i'm the one making them)

now to face a long day of wonderful comparative chinese law and debentures. wheeeee

splat

the adventures of pnd issue 3

2005-10-11T09:58:00.001+08:00

like all the victims that came before her, Mercy Bonifacio was found with scald marks on her face and neck and a burn mark in the shape of an iron on her thigh. the police were baffled. what manner of fiend could perpetrate such acts of inhumane cruelty on domestic servants. it was almost akin to the rash of murders that struck Whitechapel, where prostitutes were left cut open. only the maids were still alive. and not dead. also this was Kent Ridge City and not Whitechapel, England.

***************

because his csi team had yet to find the seminal pubic hair that would ties this case up, the chief of police decided to activate the nipple beacon and summon Kent Ridge's most powerful hero. that's right PND!

with a flash of lightning and smoke, no not that smoke flashes, it was more a flash of lightning accompanied by a roiling cloud of smoke. but anyway, he stepped out of the cloud in tight yellow sleeveless t, with a large PN emblem across his massive chest.

"fear not! random chief of police, for the hour of your salvation is at hand!"

of course there were probably many different and less pompous ways of saying "yes i'll help you" but let's remember that this is after all a superhero genre and one must speak with many exclamation marks and in dramatic prose.

"so what seems to be the problem?"

"well it's not a very important case, after all it's just domestic maids" said the obviously singaporean chief of police "so take your time, but basically what we have is a serial maid abuser. their m.o. is to leave the victim with burn marks on her face and neck and an iron shaped burn on her thigh."

"also, the scalding on the face and neck seem to have been caused by a hot liquid. my csi's have identified it as turtle soup. give them another day and they can tell you which stall it came from."

"we don't have a day!" exclaimed our civic-minded hero "out there somewhere another maid could be in the throes of this vicious madman!"

and with that PND flew off.

***************

maria had never run so fast in her life. she looked over her shoulder. she seemed to have lost the madman who was trying to fling a packet of what looked like hot soup at her.

luckily for her, maria had been the all-country champion track star in the philippines, at least until she became too old and when the endorsement contracts began to trickle off, she decided to work as a domestic helper in singapore.

she thought sadly, while running for her life, about mercy, her dear friend and sms buddy. how the astrophysics graduate had come to sunny singapore to find a better life as a maid, after there was a surplus of astrophysisists from the university of manila that made the astrophysics industry too competetive.

"ip i can just make it to de corner i will be sape" thought maria.

sadly she never got that far.

a canister exploded against a cupboard next to her head (how it got there beats me, but it's an important part of the story). hot soup splashed out scalding maria's face and neck and she went down, like a fat woman at a chocolate sale. (which i grant is not exactly an apt metaphor but it is disturbing and thus i use it).

the evil Maid Abuser moved in for the kill, her iron raised high.

maria screamed.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzap!" the Maid Abuser flew back and slammed into a wall, thanks to a nipple blast.

"run! maria" instructed PND "i'll handle it from here"

"op course, sir" mumbled maria, wondering how the superhero knew her name. but one does not look a gift nipple in the teat, and so she feld the scene.

"you will pay for that, man of perky nipples!" exclaimed Maid Abuser.

"let's find out who u really are Maid Abuser" deadpanned PND and turned on his X-ray nipple beams to lift the villainous veil allowing him to see that Maid Abuser was all a sham and cover up for Lao Gu Po!!!

"u may have exposed my identity PND, but i know your weakness too!" and with those words Mdm Lao flung another cannister of soup at the hero.

a flick of his nipple sliced through the titanium soup container, but lo! there was no soup with, but a strange green, nipple shaped rock.

yes boys and girls, it was niptonite, and green niptonite made PND feel weak and sick.

"must... fight..." muttered PND struggling to keep his feet.

"muahahahahaha" evil villain laughed Mdm Lao "that's right PND, let the niptonite knock u out!"

"not... in... the.... f f face..." gasped our hero as he made a valiant effort to flip on his back as he passed out.

miraculourly he did. and a shadow fell over him and evil chuckling is heard. (don't you hate strange camera angles?)

****************

like all the victims that came before him, PND was found with scald marks on his face and neck and a burn mark in the shape of an iron on his thigh. the police were baffled. what manner of fiend could perpetrate such acts of inhumane cruelty on domestic servants and nipple enhanced superheroes. it was almost akin to the rash of murders that struck Whitechapel, where prostitutes were left cut open. only the maids and superhero were still alive. and not dead. also this was Kent Ridge City and not Whitechapel, England.

is this the end of PND? will Lao Gu Po be brought to justice!? will maids everywhere ever feel safe again? tune in next time, same nipple time, same nipple channel.

the adventures of pnd issue 3

2005-10-11T09:58:00.000+08:00

bus drivers!

2005-10-10T23:15:00.000+08:00

been a while since my last rant so i shall play catch up.

today i had the unfortunate experience of taking public transport. now don't get me wrong, it's not so much that i dislike public transport because it's inconvenient or that we don't have an efficient system of transport. it's just as i mentioned before the personal space issues.

and today reminded me of another issue. bus drivers that for no apparent reason, begin to slow down at every traffic light hoping to catch a red light and turning into every bloody bus bay even when no one is flagging the bus or has rung the bell. i understand that they have some schedule to keep and all, but unless sbs is like gonna send them out again if they get in early, why the hell do they do that!?

it's flippin annoying!
why!? it's like u wanna get home, but can u? no. because the damned bus uncle seems to have developed a fondness for travelling at speeds only a snail would find exciting. wanna know why people take taxis? it's cos of stupid bus uncles.

damn.

the adventures of perky nipple dude issue 2

2005-10-07T15:10:00.000+08:00

Kent Ridge Remand Centre for Naughty Superhumans was a grim and depressing building. the walls were bright pink and yellow streamers hung from the ceiling. ooops. wait scrap that, that's the description of my 5 year old cousin's birthday party. anyway imagine the same level of nausea and you'll have a rough estimate of just how depressing this place was.

Fixture Girl and the Taxi Driver were bored. there's not much to do in prison, just carry bags of sand and hang out with druggies. Fixture Girl had once again developed a back rash and Taxi Driver was helping her relieve it.

with a crash, the door to their cell block flew open and in walked two of the most dangerous supervillians around, Booze Queen and Nipple Detector!

"we are here to break you out!" declared Booze Queen,

"YAY!" exclaimed Fixture Girl. "i was getting so bored!"

"But first i must drik a beer so that my strength and power will increse." said Booze Queen.

"sigh. that's gonna take too long." said Fixture Girl.

with that she shrunk herself down, walked through the bars of the cell. She walked over to where the key were kept, put a chair against the wall and climbed up to get the keys.

"what!? why didn't u do that all this time!!?" asked the Taxi Driver.

"i thought u wanted to stay here mah."

************************

later at the impound lot where the Green Taxi was being kept:

sadly this time there was no handy chair for Fixture Girl, so Booze Queen had to have a heineken and summarily ripped the door from its hinges.

"we need to gett out of here now!" exclaimed Nipple Detector "i sense the approach of many heroic nipples! our arch-nemesis PND and other various superheroes and superheroines (or super-enabled people for those of you who are politically correct) are coming!"

the foursome clambered into the Green Taxi, raised the Astroboy cloaking shield and sped off into the night.

***********************

Fixture Girl was enjoying her freedom after being incarcerated by going on a shopping spree with her girlfriends, the Laffing Ladies. these four villainess prided themselves on wearing similar costumes. today was hot pink capris day.

alarm bells were going off all around as the destructive foursome went on a rampage thru Tak-a-Shee Maya, the local mega mall.

"stop!"

ladies and some gentlemen of dubious sexual orientation swooned as PND arrived!

"die man biatch!" screamed Flower Girl plucking a deadly hair flower from her haor and hurling it at PND. the razor sharp floral shaped missle whistle through the air, missing our hero by a hair and embedding itself in a pillar.

Viola Girl began firing bows at PND with her viola-cum-crossbow. But he handlily blew them all aside with a blast of wind from his nipple propellers.

Treadmill Girl ran really really fast, in one spot. Obviously this wasn't of much use in a fight, but hey she was burning calories, and that was enough.

"surrender ladies, your days of robbing fashionable department stores are over!"

"never! not during the Great Singapore Sale!" screamed the villainesseses.

but alas. it was not to be, for they were summarily defeated by PND with the help of Tua-Girl. they all surrendered when Tua-Girl summoned red and green polka dot hats for them. they gave up.

"we can't wear this and fight!" one of them was overheard saying as they were led away, "polka dots are like sooooo last century!"

*******************

sigh this is getting very difficult to write! i need a break! writer's block and all. plus how much more can i make fun of Nobody? he's kinda become a living joke anyway.

sigh hopefully this wasn't too disappointing an entry.

Special Ltd Edition Tua-Girl Issue

2005-10-01T01:05:00.000+08:00

(Sylvia, this one's for you by special request.)

Tua-Girl, superheroine-in-training, was in a lecture, Superheroics - Agents and Sidekicks. it was proving most informative and thought-provoking, and although Obscure Academic tended not to follow the structure in the handouts, he was nonetheless an interesting and charismatic lecturer.

(some background, Tua-Girl's superpower is linked to the tua on her nose. she wiggles it much like the woman on Bewitched and lo and behold she can summon whatever she needs)

anyway, Obscure Academic was relating a hypothetical about how superheroes needed to burst upon a scene with suitable pomp and drama, loudly delaring their code name, lest the villains think they will be summarily trounced by some other superhero.

out of nowhere, Nobody asked a question. no one really cared you see, because Nobody had, as far as anyone in Superhero School knew, never spoken before and indeed no one had even noticed Nobody up to this point. anyway, Nobody asked a really annoying and useless question, both managing to confused and probably annoy Obscure Academic with his most remiss and undiplomatic question.

(at this point i fell asleep out of annoyance, but here is the tale as related to me by Tua-Girl)

"so," asked Obscure Academic, trying to be polite "do you intend to practice superheroics after you graduate from Superhero School?"

"no." replied Nobody "well maybe i'll try being a superhero for a few years, for fun. but after that i shall want to try to be more creative with my powers and do something else, like act in porn."

at this point, several energy bursts, lightning bolts, ice shards and one anvil (summoned handily from Tua-Girl's powerful nose-tua) flew in Nobody's direction, completely obliterating him.

"oh dear." remarked Obscure Academic "where was i?"

"i believe you were talking about making a grand entrance" said a helpful hero-wannabe

"oh that's right, hmm, who was that guy that asked me those pointless and annoying questions, by the by?"

"oh him? he's nobody."

and all was good in the world again.

the adventures of perky nipple dude issue 1

2005-09-29T21:46:00.000+08:00

disclaimer: any resemblence to persons and events related in the following narrative and any further issues of the adventures of perky nipple dude ("pnd") is strictly intentional. you have been warned.

it was a hot, humid night in kent ridge city. the streetlights barely lit up the front of the kent ridge savings bank. a loud noisy screeching sound announced the arrival of a strnge green Honda taxi. it stopped in front of the bank and blew the doors open with a blast of sonic shriekiness.

two figures stepped out of the taxi. yes it was that infamous duo, the Taxi Driver and Fixture Girl. there were rumours that they were more than just partners in crime, but they never told anyone the truth, or at least if they did, no one survived.

"eh! whose hairband is this ah!?" queried Fixture Girl, with an accusatory glare. one must note here, that if they were not in fact attached, why then was Fixture Girl so mad?

"erm... it's Tall Freaks! yeah that's right Tall Freak left it in the Taxi." said The Taxi Driver, looking sheepish.

"nevermind" said Fixture Girl "let's rob the bank"

******

half a city away, in the eusoff district, Perky Nipple Dude was just sitting down for a quiet evening of ironing his tight shirts and cutting off the sleeves of some of his t-shirts. suddenly (because all good plot hooks come suddenly) the nipple beacon shone high into the sky, summoning the hero from an evening of quiet enjoyment (there might be a case for public nuisance here) to the ccall of duty once more.

******

"muahahahaha" cackled Fixture Girl "we have the loot!"

"stop right there foul perpetrators of villainous stealing!" boomed a voice from the shadows. yes it was PND and he had arrived!

"argh!" squeaked Taxi Driver and ran in vain to get into the Taxi, without which he was powerless.

"Zzzzzzzzzap!" Taxi Driver crumpled under a blast of PND's amazing nipple beam.

but lo and behold! Fixture Girl had disappeared! she had shrunk so small she was invisible to the naked eye! what's a superhero to do?

"fear not PND" said Weight Loss Lad, growing back to his normal weight. "using my weight loss powers, i became so skinny i could actually see her and i picked her up and put her in this thimble"

"thanks Weight Loss Lad! sidekicks like you are hard to find!" declared PND.

*******

so once again, the savings of the hardworking people of kent ridge city were safe again. Taxi Driver and Fixture Girl would be sent to face Judge Jordan, and the Green Taxi would be impounded until further notice.

see you again next time, when Taxi Driver and Fixture Girl get sprung from jail by Booze Queen and Nipple Detector and they perpetrate group criminality by building bonfires.

until then, seacrest out.

bloody property assignment

2005-09-22T00:33:00.000+08:00

next time chewren, i tell chew all what to do.

when ah, chew want to give your brother money to buy house. tell him. just tell him 'nah kor, this money is for your house one.'

then later, if ur asshole dad come and say i donch wan ah ger to have interest in the house, chew can die die say 'never what! i got give kor money for the house!'

cos then hor, what chew will have is a tenancy in common. then hor poor law stoolen like me, donch have to bang our head against the wall.

but nevermind, say chew stoopid, say chew like giving ur kor alot alot of money becos chew know he looking for house, but chew never got tell him the money for the house. i got another advices for chew.

donch seek legal advice from me. becos hor, i will slap chew so hard chew will spin 30 times.

thang chew. that is all i have to say.

yellow ribbons

2005-09-13T09:11:00.000+08:00

ok, have seen these things all over the place, and worn by all types of people (including my mom).

but really if you think about this, you're essentially advocating giving a chance to someone who has CHOSEN yes that's right, made a free-will choice to commit a criminal act sometime in their past.

which i suppose is the point of the programme, to focus on the fact that it is a PAST rather than focus on the fact that they committed a CRIMINAL act. funny how things looks different when you focus on different parts huh?

anyway, that was not meant to be the focus of my discussion. it was meant to be this:

how about campaigning for a group of people who truly deserve a campaign and who have not done anything to prejudice others against them. that's right, why not a campaign for fair treatment of ugly people?

i propose making a puke-green ribbon to campaign for people who, but for an unfortunate combination of dna, could live fruitful, fulfilling, CRIME-FREE lives.

see i feel bad for them, u know the real world, ugly people don't get breaks. good-looking people get the jobs, the girls (or boys), they get the nice apartment, whatever it is, good-looking people get an intrincsic advantage simply because God decided that they should look a certain way.

so my puke-green ribbon project proposes this: blind job interviews. u come in with a brown paper bag over ur head, so everything is fair, it's just based on how well u answer the questions.

arranged marriages. especially between ugly and pretty people, in the hopes that the unfortunate effects of dna can be avoided by breeding. i mean look if there's a secret programme out there to breed scholars, why not have an open one to stomp out ugliness? we'd not only be a green city, but an ugly-free one. come see singapore! the city where everyone is at worst, bland. how much more uniquely singapore can u get?

talent contests/singapore idol. they should use those amazing tv blurry bits that they use for the news and to cover the privates in jap porn movies to blur out the faces. and maybe the bodies. that way only the voice counts. hmm, that might mean we get olinda as our idol, but it might also have given jessea and beverly a chance, not the coffee-shop-duo that won.

so, let's get together yeah, if u feel as strongly as i do about ugly peopl rights, leave a message and we'll start a puke-green ribbon campaign. oh and we really should find a more pc word than ugly. how about aesthetically-challenged? or looks handicapped?

personal space issues

2005-09-06T11:19:00.000+08:00

i know i've saiid it before but it bears repeating: why can't s'poreans, especially bloody chinese s'poreans be minful of other people's personal space!?

i am queueing at a bank and the darn ah pek behind me insists on standing like 3 inches from me, when i have a bag slung over my shoulder, so he's in effect, pushing against my bag! plus he smells like some medicinal herb or something!

honestly is it so hard to maintain at least a foot of space between u and the next person, or barring that at least a half-a-foot? nobody wants to smell ur smelly bo or the fact that u use some friken herbal tonic on ur foot!

see, i don't mean to be rude or anything, but obviously i wouldn't mind someone who's well washed and perfumed/cologned standing behind me, although the space issue would still bug me. but when u smell like trash, at least respect the other person's right to clean air!

why can't these people be classified a public nuisance? that's what the law is for right?

or maybe we could have a state wide campaign to have all babies get their stink glands amputated. that way u prevent future discomfort. why can't the govt institue a 'be stink free' campaign? see why u should make me leader of the world!?

take my breath away

2005-08-25T04:49:00.000+08:00

i got disowned. my parents threw me out, shouted, screamed, drove me away. and i ran out into the night.

and i came back to get my things, to pick up some clothes and personal items, and there were people at the door, some that i knew. and one of them was holding a letter, the letter. it said i was no longer a part of the family.

and i walked through a sea of faces, relatives, why were they all there? some were sympathetic and others turned and looked away. like i was too painful or disgusting to see. and some, bless them, some pretended like nothing happened and it wasn't the last time they would probably see me again.

i nearly broke down saying goodbye to a cousin. it's funny isn't it? so i got the hell out of there. all the while i had to avoid the main room, because something important was going on and i wasn't supposed to be there, to be seen.

i felt numb, where do i go? names flittered through mt head. and i thought 'yeah i can stay with him for a while, at least until i find a way to make it on my own again.'

i woke up. of course, it was a dream. but the emotion, the feeling of being betrayed by everything and everyone you know and hold dear. that was harder to let slip into the realm of the night.

i lay there and tears rolled down my face into my ears. and i realised i had no one to turn to. i was lost and alone. probably 3 or 4 meters from the nearest human being and yet utterly, undoubtably alone.

and so i put this traumatic event here. as some sort of closure. hopefully i can fall asleep again without more powerefully emotional dreams. i never would have realised though how something like this experience would feel. in a way i am glad of it. but i'm still shell-shocked i think.

why charlie does not deserve the chocolate factory

2005-08-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

as the title depcits this is going to be my argument why charlie did not earn the chocolate factory.

now let's remember tho that this was written in the 70s or 80s when perhaps morals and values were somewhat different.

what did charlie do in the story (here i must admit i cannot remember much of the book and am going more by the movie)?
he basically stood around and looked wide eyed and innocent, oh and he was nice.

two far better candidates in my opinion were violet, the bubblegum chewer and mike, the video game fanatic. let's forget abt veruca and agustus for my discussion because they didn't display any redeeming qualities.

violet was driven, she was a competitor. she kept her eyes on the prize and was willing to do whatever it took to get it. she would have been a great asset to the chocolate factory.

mike, was pretty brilliant. not only did he break the code thereby getting himself a golden ticket, he also knew alot about science and its applications, all of which would've gone far to improving the chocolate factory.

now it's true we all want the decent chap to win, and no doubt charlie is nothing if not the poster child for poor little poor boy with a heart of gold. but he displays no initiative, no cleverness, no drive whatsoever. in other words he's perfectly boring.

i wouldn't be surprised to see the chocolate factory take a nose dive after he takes over.

on a seperate note, was i the only one who thought grandpa joe should've kena'ed a stroke and dropped dead, just for the heck of it? c'mon admit it, i know u were...

failed driving

2005-08-19T14:36:00.000+08:00

i'm disappointed.

i blame the fucking poor people in singapore.

if not for them i'm sure it would be much easier to pass driving tests. why can't we be like any other system in the whole freakin' world where it's not such a pain in the fucking ass to pass driving.

i mean, i have access to a car and i'm reasonably proficient, any mistakes i made are mistakes that any new driver would make. who the hell cares if you can't go thru a narrow windy space without striking a curb!? lot's of experienced drivers are tons worse.

if our system didn't take into account that there are far too many people around because the fucking poor people can't afford birth control or have no reason to practice restraint because let's face it, they don't have to consider any sort of career advancement, then i would be driving right now.

when i have loads of money and a huge ass car i'm gonna drive thru the poor neighbourhoods in s'pore, roll down the windows and spit at all the poor people with their stupid bicycles and laugh at their misfortune! rot in hell all of you!

thank you come again.

Searcrest out.

bitchin'

2005-08-07T00:44:00.000+08:00

i was gonna post tonight about how i hate poor people, but the moment of anger at them has passed and i have realised it would be unseemly and not very sensitve to those less fortunate, so all i shall post is this:

for goodness sakes, everyone should have a sense of respect for another's personal space. sure it can be difficult in a train or bus when it's crowded, but hell! if someone is standing leaning against one of those plexiglass walls that divide the seats on a train from the doors, for heaven's sake don't try and squeeze next to them and lean on the edge!
that said i will have to nonetheless leave one dig at poor people. it's true what they say, being rich doesn't buy u more friends, it just buys u a better class of enemies. how true. at least ur enemies have proper personal hygene and don't stink like month old mouldy bread with a glandular problem.

it's so nice to get things like this off my chest.

hmm dinner made up for the initial unpleasentness of the train ride though and must say upmarket mexican food is pretty good. albeit the hang-out du jour of our parents' generation chico's and charlie's has pretty nice stuff at a decent price. was fun catching up with der deutsche kakis again. it's been too long since we've had a meal and kopi.

school. starting on monday and already an inertia has set in. but no this sem i must really plough full steam ahead. i don't even wanna see a C on my report card again. i know i'm better than that. arrogant maybe but realistically speaking i'm still sore at my contract grades and i will never, ever forgive myself if i perform mediocrely (is that even a word?) for anything i know i can excel in again. so f*ck off bloody C+ for contract i hope i never see u mar my grade curve ever again.

national day dinner and elvis

2005-08-05T10:42:00.000+08:00

it's been a pretty long while since i last posted so i'm not sure who's even still reading but here goes.

my mom got me to go for this national day celebration dinner last nite, and i dutifully went along. (thambi u are so lucky u turned down the offer to take my dad's seat).

anyway dinner starts out fine food's ok, they served wine. then there was entertainment, which started with a (from what i could see of the stage) not very good belly dancer, a couple who danced flamenco (and were largely ignored) and finally the elvis lookalikes.

Ya know when you call yourselves the elvis lookalikes, u bloody well better look like elvis! dammit this was a motely bunch of pot-bellied, old men with greying hair and no resemblence at all to mr presley. what's more we were told time and again how wonderful they are, how many of them were winning not just local elvis singing contests but even international ones.

most of them couldn't hold a note.

it was karaoke hell. imagine all the bad singers from all the seasons of american idol belting elvis tunelessly and then try to eat your steamed snapper. plus it was loud. and they needed to refer to a large screen with the words highlighted as the song rambles on.

and then as the night progresses, more and more tables around us start to display evidence of highly liquored, middle-aged civil servants. good grief! if the highlight of my humdrum life ever becomes getting stoned at a national day dinner surrounded by other middle-aged losers with similar proclivities, then i'd rather die young, stay pretty and at least go with some dignity. i suppose it's understandable why civil servants are alway crabby, they have such uninteresting lives.

another evil MJ joke

2005-06-29T14:55:00.000+08:00

how do u know when it's bedtime at michael jackson's house?

when the big hand touches the little hand

sun, sand and sea

2005-06-27T09:52:00.000+08:00

had a great time at sentosa yesterday. weather wasn't typical of a beach outing, it was more cloudy than sunny, but we all managed to get darker nonetheless.

played frisbee and late in the afternoon this friendly group asked us to play ultimate with them and considering it was the first time for everyone else but me, must say that whooping them 10-4 was pretty good. MVP must be shen who managed to catch most of our goals haha never thought the lil squirt had it in her...

sigh I'm sooooo looking forward to going to thailand and ending my job... i really wanna enjoy the last month of holidays. don't get me wrong i'm grateful to my uncle for the work and more importantly the pay, but work has this habit of sucking the life out of you especially when u spend the majority of the day ripping up old microsoft mags and measuring lengths of string out... yes i actually spent a good 3 or 4 days just measuring and cutting string into equal lengths. don't ask.

ah well at least there's still about 3 weeks of hols after bangkok. gonna just relax and maybe head to sentosa more, read a few books and just enjoy not doing anything.

rubbish collecting ah mahs

2005-06-22T10:26:00.000+08:00

this morning while waiting for the bus i witnessed the following:

a rubbish collecting ah mah, the kind that empties trash bins and refills them with new bags, unceremoniously dump the cigarette butts in the top of the bin into the nearest grated drain.

now my question is this, why in the heck bother putting ashtrays in the tops of bins if the cleaning ah mahs do this? shouldn't all smokers just chuck their butts into the drains then? shouldn't the government make signs saying 'save your cleaning ah soh time! put your butts into the drain, where they belong!'

we could have a whole new campaign. wouldn't that be cool?

nearly died laughing

2005-06-21T17:47:00.000+08:00

this is SO mean but damn funny...

what is the worst stain to remove from a young boy's underwear?

michael jackson's make-up.

poor chopped up china woman and csi

2005-06-20T15:42:00.000+08:00

the headlining story this weekend seems to be the one about the chinese national who was dismembered by her aged lover/boyfriend and unceremoniously dumped into the kallang river.

now as any one who watches CSI knows, this is NOT the way to hide or discard a body! On the show all it takes is for the csi team to find what i call the seminal pubic hair, and voila the case is cracked. from said pubic hair it can be deduced that the killer was a 4 foot tall caucasian with athlete's foot and goitre, his mother was a former hamaphrodite, who worked as an exotic dancer at muthu's curry and strip bar (the tanglin branch, because they use a peculiar brand of match sticks), and that the killer's dog is pregnant with triplets.

now you see, if I were a criminal and i knew that people could find out all sorts of wonderful information from a single strand of public hair, i would say to myself, after committing a heinous crime:
"Self," i would say "If you leave the body just lying around waiting to be found, there is no doubt that you would undoubtably have somehow left a seminal pubic hair (tm) that will inevitably lead the police right to your door step, with the MDA and the SPCA."

That said, my advice to all would be killers in future, bring the body after you have dismembered it to the local chinese butcher. Chinese people eat anything. Heart, lungs, gizzard, hell the toes will go so fast your head will spin. And don't tell them you heard it from me, i'm just doing my civic duty.

josie's wedding

2005-06-17T13:55:00.000+08:00

was an interesting wedding dinner to say the least especially when coo wei ching, jaejay is the master of ceremonies. yes must give full title or she'll not be happy. she even had a tiff with the event co-ordinator!

(i just love blowing things out of proportion)

it was nice seeing another jc classmate happily wedded, although i admit i was concerned by ms ho's apparent grumpiness for the first 3 courses of dinner. 'all was not well in paradise' thought moses to himself. but then she gave an amazing (ok it was all in chinese, so she could have been reciting three blind mice for all i knew) speech about her husband, breaking down half way. and her husband in typical singaporean man mode, stood stoically behind her and only offered a tissue when the camera man gave him a pack.

there's romance for u.
plus they could not be more the poster couple for government family planning. he actually proposed to her with the whole 'let's apply for hdb flat' line, and they intend to have 2 kids. hmm, i wonder now if josephine is more than a simple school teacher of chinese. perhaps she's actually a government sponsored mole...

nice guys finish last?

2005-06-16T14:43:00.000+08:00

tis the day after Eye,
and all thru the land,
nice guys are mourning,
cos Denise chose the slick man.

i could tell from the way she tried to avoid eye contact when she was talking to poor howie that he was not going to europe with her.

and it puzzles me, here's a guy who went out of his way to romance her, not in the cheesy 'how you doin'?' kinda way, but in a sweet, whimsical way, and yet she chooses to get with wolfgang instead.

perhaps there's more to him than what they showed on tv, but from what i saw he always came across as very slick, packaged and plastic. from his clipped pseudo-brit accent to his politically correct answers, wolfgang never struck me as someone who really tried very hard to get denise's attention.

which really just goes to show that sometimes good looks, height and money gets the girl (or the job, or the whatever).

i'm just confused that a girl would be willing to give up a fairytale romance for a guy who's more about the 'real world' and who intellectually stimulates her. well maybe not the stimulation part, cos i would probably want someone who could challenge my mind too, but still, u gotta give howie props, he really seemed like the perfect boyfriend.

now they're gonna do an eye for a girl, with either jeff, howie or shan... honestly, i think shan should be the guy in the centre of it, if for no other reason, than he would be good tv. he probably would have the most interesting (read: entertaining) comments when eliminating the girls. as much as i like howie, i think his eliminations would be all too 'nice'...

and no one wants to hear another round of 'ms personality' rachel lee's "i think you're a very nice person, but i didn't get to know u well enuff. so... yeah"

ugh. i could have better conversations with a rock. or even a chip of shale. or even a a mogolian nun, who speaks no english and has taken a vow of silence.

single parenthood

2005-06-08T09:25:00.000+08:00

my folks are out of town and that means i'm stuck at home with my dog.

which is ok, but taking care of a pet that requires attention is almost like having a child all by yourself. admittedly you don't wake up in the middle of the night to feed the darn thing, but babies don't run across roads at 6 am when you're half asleep and scare the hell out of you.

that aside i can understand how hard it is for single parents, i mean what with work and all and babies needing a hell of alot more attention than a dog... thambi, u might want to reconsider your adopting a child idea... seriously.

happy tree friends

2005-06-07T10:21:00.000+08:00

to those of you who have not yet watched this delightful cartoon i strongly recommend it.

please follow this link for short clips of absolute fun and adventure.

http://happytreefriends.atomfilms.com/#

they have provided untold hours of entertainment for the whole family!

andre in the land of liliput

2005-06-03T08:59:00.000+08:00

was at a traffic light this morning and amazingly enough, everyone there happened to be about 1.5m or less in height.

it was quite amusing.

i guess in a way it was a funny accident that made a spate of unfortunate events seem less unfortunate by comparison...

bad grades, my bike's battery being dead when i tried to start it this morning... ugh

they should tell u that u have to ride it at least somewhat regularly when they sell u the darn thing! how was i supposed to know the battery would go flat if i don't ride it for 2 weeks?!

disclaimer: if you're short don't take offence, this is not aimed at you, i just found being tall enough to look down at the top of those 5 or 6 people's heads somewhat amusing.

and if you do take offence? tough nuts. my life's hard, if you're short that's your problem not mine.

self-disappointment

2005-06-02T15:42:00.000+08:00

the results, sadly, are out

personally am disappointed in contract and lawr.

i guess doing well in moots doesn't matter. sigh

where's that post with the samaritans number again?...

maybe this explains some stuff:

2005-06-02T10:19:00.000+08:00

The 5-Factor IPIP Personality Test
What Makes You Unique?
Andre Tan, your most unique quality is that you're unusually Intense

You're wound up and have a lot going on. Others may have trouble understanding what you're going through, but they generally find your intensity very compelling and are drawn to you. This happens even without effort on your part. Compared to others who are also intense, you are unusually uninterested in being the center of attention. Only 0.8% of all test takers have this unique combination of personality strengths.

good and evil

2005-06-01T16:05:00.000+08:00

we would all like to think that we're innately good don't we?

but where are the lines drawn? i know what i want, or at least i think i want, and that's to be a good person.

but am i lying to myself? am i an innately evil person?

what does it take? how much before i'm convinced one way or another that that may just be a lie, a lie i tell myself so that i can feel better about myself?

how many times do i have to betray my friends, or lie to my parents, lie to God, before i really accept that i'm flawed, broken, bitter and cruel?

knowing what is right is easy, choosing to do what's right isn't. and it gets harder and harder. choices become more convoluted, the grey areas become more grey, black and white doesn't make sense.

can i ever be the person i want to be? is that possible? or do i have to sacrifice my 'good' self in order to succeed in the world?

so many questions and i have no answers, or self will to choose one way or other. is it better to be happy or be good, right and noble. i sacrificed my desires before, but i hated what i became, self-righteous, only seeing the speck in someone else's eye and not the plank in mine. who was i to judge?

and now? now i am confused, lost in what on the surface seems to be a good life, but how have my decisions affected others? how much can i share? there are no easy answers, but answers are what i need the most.

i wish i could trust another christian, but i've been too hurt by them before, possibly even hurt myself when i was one. who else is there to turn to? when God has become someone so distant and inscrutable.

i know part of it is that i want to be loved. haha i know obvious right, who doesn't? but i don't know what that means. the images of your dad slapping u on the back, ur mom beaming at you when u get a good report card, ur friends looking at u with respect, they may be cheesy, but i want them so bad.

and it's wierd u know, because i'll never let them know that, i never want to appear weak or foolish or needy. and therein lies my problem. i've become someone who relies so much on himself, well to whatever extent that's true, that i pretend i don't need people. i've distanced myself from my family, kept friends at arms length and learnt to set my face into a constant look of pleasant nonchalance.

but everything's not alright. inside i churn and twist and scream, and i don't want anyone to know. not even myself. being strong, being infallible, being perfect. that's what sustains me. but at what cost?

am i losing it?

of potato chips and life

2005-06-01T11:18:00.000+08:00

Andre Tan, you're a Kettle Cooked Jalapeno Potato Chip

When you're on the loose the world had better watch out! A risk taker by nature, you don't mind taking it up a notch and letting it all hang out. And just like your signature potato chip, you're not afraid to shock people with your sassy and spicy style.

You love being surrounded by people, especially when you can be the center of attention. And you don't mind going to extreme lengths to make sure all eyes are on you. Sound like a lot of surprises and fun? That's because you are. Zesty!

interesting how a food type can adequately explain personality traits and defects huh?

unusual talents

2005-06-01T10:53:00.000+08:00

Aaaannnd my amazing superpower according to Tickle.com is:

'dramatic drumroll'

ANIMAL COMMUNICATION!!!

Apparently i can speak to and understand animals... may explains why chansey obeys me more than she does paul...

sigh, how the hell am i supposed to take over the world with that lame-ass ability? hmm, then again, if the Tonight Show can make money, then maybe that's the ticket.

Sigh, can u tell how bored i am?

suicides

2005-05-31T17:09:00.000+08:00

are people who take the NE line particularly prone to suicides or emotional problems? becos i took the NE train today and all ride long they just kept showing this ad for the samaritans of s'pore... if any one's feeling aprticularly suicidal the number's 1800 221 4444.

there my good deed for the day

sigh well i may just need the number myself after having my dreams of doing well for legal theory single-handedly crushed by my legal theory lecturer... sigh all i can hope for now is a lowly B.

oh well let's just see what thurs brings then...

quiet discontent

2005-05-30T17:30:00.000+08:00

it seems i'm never content these days. i'm not talking about happiness, i have moments of those, whether with friends, watching the telly, or playing with my dog. what i mean is contentment, satisfaction with life and your lot in it, and a general feeling of peace with the world.

that seems to come harder and harder these days if at all, and i wonder if it's symptomatic of growing older. friends are growing dissatisfied with jobs they once thought were wonderful, friends become bitter and angry over smaller and smaller things... it makes me wonder if this is all life is meant to be about, being increasingly, incredibly unhappy from the time we hit our twenties until we drop deat, our hearts shocked into stopping by an accumulation of bitterness, disappointment and ennui.

surely there has to be more meaning to life, something deeper, something in which there is contentment. perhaps i found it once, but it has eluded me once again. but if there isn't something, if there isn't a tangible thing to look forward to at the end of the day, at the end of my life, then why go on?

because ultimately, do i want to look into the eyes of my children, only to see the same bleakness, the same inescapable depression reflected in their eyes? i think not. if there is no joy in life, then life is not worth it. where then is joy? why are we so easily disappointed and why is it so hard for us to find peace?

i don't know the answers. i wish i did. then perhaps i could understand myself better. perhaps one day i will. and if i do, i will share it with all of you, my friends, because i see the same thing in your eyes, the same longing for something more

holidays that aren't

2005-05-30T11:16:00.000+08:00

damn.

i hate being broke and i hate having to hold a bloody 9-to-6 just to assuage that problem.

on the other hand i know that i would just as likely be spending time just in a state of sleep/semi-conciousness otherwise.

i think i need to work at something that takes me out of the office. feel too cooped up, like one of those chickens in the tiny cages that give it just enough room to wiggle. only difference is, the floor doesn't have holes for my poop to fall thru.

i'm SO bored. like u'd not believe and working just gets to me. i wake up feeling like i don't wanna go to work. hmm, funny things when i was actually working, before the law degree, i didn't mind it so much. i mean maybe it was cos i had super nice collegues back then, becos i sure as heck didn't like the work too.

i wonder if maybe i should try looking for something that let's me be out of doors more... wonder if obs needs like temp chaperones or something... hell i'd prob not even mind being a minder for some sunday school camp kinda thing!

sigh... must.. hang.. on..until.. july...

oh a different note, the legal theory paper 2 is out and ready for collection, bad news is i prob won't be able to get mine cos i'm stuck in the office 24/7... ok that's an exaggeration...

and as jey well knows (as someone who always has bad things to say about people and who exaggerates), that's not a good thing. the stanlonius korques of the world may be listening.

double O

2005-05-30T10:20:00.000+08:00

SUX.

the music was abysmal and we were surrounded by strange people... once i even had to save shen and her friend from these two lecherous guys who were drifting ever closer to them from behind... sigh

that said it was a fun nite cos of the company, thanks to kerong, syl, amos, ah hui, shen and PAUL for being there! we should really hang out more often when we can. just not clubbing. PLEASE.

watched Monster-in-law over the weekend, it is actually quite funny and JLo looks surprisingly good. a good-looking maid, but good looking none the less.

finale

2005-05-26T17:52:00.000+08:00

this is just to say i am content that carrie won american idol

i know most would disagree with me, cos bo is cooler, has more stage presence, yadda yadda yadda, but i have liked carrie from about week two of the top 12

and she's pweety.

visual organ for a male homosapien

2005-05-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

Hey ah hui! I saw the guy that u favour to win the competition at borders just now. he looks pretty much the same, but he's pretty tall. haha after she eliminated shan today, i wonder if you could well be right about the eventual winner. somehow tho, i suspect even if howard doesn't win, wolfgang might, think ur guy is just too 'local' for someone like denise, but i could be wrong.

had a pretty good dinner tonight, that it was a treat was pretty sweet too. haha

guess i gotta learn to treasure what i have more...

that being said, after watching star wars i guess shen's right, i would join the dark side.

BUT i will eventually repent. and become a jedi. haha why?

Two words: UGLI NESS

I have yet to see a pweety sith lord, one's red with horns, another can desperately use a botox injection and the last guy's all pale, pasty and has to wear a rather unflattering black pvc get up. just cos you're evil deosn't mean u can't have a sense of style!

so yes, before the dark side gives me an extreme makeover for the worse i will probably have a convenient change of heart and become good. hey, after all what's an intergalactic drama without some bad boy turrned good?

blah

2005-05-23T18:54:00.000+08:00

going out today was a mistake and a fucking waste of time.

dunno why i bothered.

and on a related note, might as well post something that's been bugging me all week. had dinner with dianne on thurs with the tg. but some inconsiderate twit who was at SUNGEI GEDONG! expected a friend who stays in bt timah to go all the way there to give her a ride. take a cab, u inconsiderate dick-head!

critical girls and whiny guys

2005-05-23T11:06:00.000+08:00

seems like everyone's up in arms lately about the s'pore woman's p.o.v that s'pore guys are whiny.

what's the big deal? i mean i feel kinda sorry for that scholar. she expressed her view, and let's face it, she's entitled to it. to all those guys who responded so violently to her view, grow up!

i mean honestly, when u overreact like that it means only one thing: you obviously have an insecurity about being whiny. hey ns is tough, i know most guys complain all the time about it. but let's face it, we have to go thru it and girls don't. why be such a baby about what one girl says?

it's NOT a personal attack! sheesh! i mean if your manhood is SO weak that you need to defend it, then maybe she was right after all and s'porean guys ARE a bunch of whiny losers. (and before i become the target of lambast, i too am a s'pore guy)
haha let it GO dudes! i mean look we known for having small equipment, being lousy lovers, being unattentive boyfriends. and you know what? fact of the matter is, if you feel so strongly about it, don't bitch and whine, DO something about it, like prove them wrong!

otherwise we all might as well surrender and say 'Yup I'm a wuss. I have a small pr*ck, please walk all over me.'

haha. on that same note however, girls out there have got to have a more realistic expectation of the avg s'pore guy. they have small pr*cks, they are never gonna be a latin lover, and hell yeah their computer games are prob gonna get more attention than you most times. : )

that's why we have foreign talent. : )

but seriously, (oh no I'm a jordan now! - let's put things in perspective. s'pore guys and girls if you want a partner who's local then ya gotta expect that your guy isn't gonna sweep you off your feet and carry you up the stairs a la Gone with the Wind (he probabaly can't even carry you up a bus). But that said, s'pore guys have to realise that alot of s'pore girls out there are looking to be tai-tais (whether the admit to it or not) and do want someone financially stable and yada yada yada.

find balance in the force. or well be single for the rest of your life. hey, there's always casual sex yeah?

funny conversation

2005-05-22T00:30:00.000+08:00

was giving directions to a gay friend so here's what transpired:

me - go straight

him - oh u mean go gaily forward

me - haha ok...

him - because i can't go straight. get it?

'nuff said

eulogy

2005-05-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

friends. can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
it's a pretty funky world we live in where the people u most enjoy spending time with are also the ones who can piss u off the most. i suppose it's just becos u actually give a shit abt them.

anyway, as part of a route to self-discovery i had a brilliant idea, but i'm gonna need u guys' help. if i were to die and u had to write something for my tombstone following: "Andre Moses Tan. He will be remembered for...."

What would u say? haha pretty morbid huh? but i'm curious.

indulge me.

two steps left one to the right

2005-05-18T15:29:00.000+08:00

and you haven't moved forward.

what is it with society!? can't they understand simple english? a blank marked School, means u need to put the name of your school! apparently some people think it fine to leave it blank or better still put something utterly ridiculous like School of IT or School of Accounting. Sigh. these are our future diploma and degree holders.

no wonder our society's going to the dogs. or worse pigs. u know i was reading the other day about this girl who started throwing up after she got into the TAF programme. damn. that is some willpower! i'm jealous. if i had that kind of determination i wouldn't be the blob i am today.

and now they want to censure guys who go overseas to enjoy underaged sex. look i feel for these kids and all, but aren't we NOT looking at the bright side? these men whether their intentions are good or ill (well mostly ill i suppose) are providing much needed income for these children who otherwise would not have a means by which to feed themselves? u think they can earn half as much working at a nike factory? puh-lease, they get like what 5 cents an hour? and then nike sells them to us for like 200 bucks. how's that for exploiting the young? i say if u wanna stop guys from visiting underaged prostitutes, start by banning branded goods.

now there's a statement. but then our capitalist economy would collapse. and i do like buying stuff so maybe i should be pointing my finger the other way. bad, bad men who go overseas for underaged sex, u should be ashamed! and next time you're out there, help me get a pair of nikes from the local warehouse yeah? thanks a mil.

pikachu, i choose you!

seacrest out

doncha just love slogans?

job

2005-05-17T15:58:00.000+08:00

i have no more cash
so employed i am woohoo
data entry sux

Solitude

2005-05-16T10:19:00.000+08:00

A nice quiet evening, alone with nothing but a cigarette and my thoughts.

I dunno seems simple enough but it brought a measure of peace. Just to sit and watch nothing happen, old men walk up the street, cars drive by (only two)and just sip coconut juice.

Yeah strange but a pleasent memory.

H O T

2005-05-15T15:33:00.000+08:00

Phew if it hasn't been raining these past few days it's been incredibly hot. And not just the usual, run-of-the-mill hot, HOT.

It's like u can just be sitting in ur room minding ur own business and suddenly u're sweating like there's no tomorrow. Screwed up weather!

That said, rain is another freak phenomenon. Last nite on the way to Paul's for majong, got caught in a sudden torrential downpour. Was only scary so far as when u go thru puddles on a bike u get pretty splashed up and u ride at like 40 cos u don't wanna end up road kill. Suffice to say, since I'm writing this I survived the episode.

Majong was fun. Had pretty crummy luck until i made a 'killing' near the end of our games and recouped the "$10" of tokens we started with and made an extra "$2" besides. Then i wake up to find ah hui, jordan and kevin have abandoned me and disappeared. Then chansey (the dog, not the egg-pokemon) came along and started nudging me.

All in all was quite enjoyable for a last min, planned thing i must say. Sigh soon i'll start my temp job and have fewer opportunities for late nights.

Fucking Traffic Police

2005-05-03T23:28:00.000+08:00

The fucking traffic police are fucking, fucked-up fuckers.

My accident was ages ago and today i get a bloody letter telling me they're fininf nme 200 bucks and 6 demerit points for driving without care.

FUCK THEM. FUCK THEM ALL TO HELL. MAY THEY ROT THERE AND MAY WORMS GNAW ON THEIR FUCKING BONES.

I refuse to pay their FUCKING fine. I'd rather go to jail.

FUCK YOU FUCKERS. I HOPE YOUR FUCKING FAMILIES ALL GET PAINFUL TERMINAL CANCERS and EVENTUALLY RECOVER ONLY TO BE HIT BY A TRUCK THE MOMENT THEY LEAVE THE HOSPITALS!!!

Frustration

2005-05-03T21:32:00.000+08:00

The days leading up to the contract exam were full of it. To the point of pulling my hair out, stomping on babies, ripping my textbook up frustration.

Thankfully it's over. And as hard as it was, it's nice to be able to sit back and enjoy the holidays.

I have some people to thank and whether I do well or not, I really appreciate what you guys have given me or helped me out with for this paper.

Paul, for availing your house and notes, cos without them I would be pretty screwed and be frantically flipping thru Ansons. Thank your gramma for me too, she's always been incredibly nice to me and I really, really appreciate it.

Jey, for waking me up at 9 am this morning. Your advice (as always) was great. I even mentioned it in my essay question. Plus for all the times you helped clear up my confusion for both crim and contract this sem.

Shen, for being an orcling. Haha, yes your little outbursts of violence provide me with my needed comic relief and u've been a terrific friend.

Ah Hui, for always hitting people and being living proof that not all girls have to be wusses. Just cut down on the testosterone injections yeah?

Suzie! Hah! Bet u didn't expect it did ya? But yeah it's fun having u as the person in front of me during our papers. It's nice to know there's someone out there who feels as screwed at the end of the paper! Until next sem!

Wow. It's officially over. Year one of law school has ended. Am I happy with how i did? I think so, well at least until i see the final results, but i think i've managed to acquit myself pretty well. But it's definitely been a group effort. Here's to more great times during the hols and in the year to come. Thanks guys.

Seacrest out.

PURE INJUSTICE

2005-04-29T09:07:00.000+08:00

well the past few weeks have been riddled with instances of PURE INJUSTICE, and i will briefly talk about two of them today.

first, the stupid rich ah pek actually got off with his light sentence for road rage a week or two ago. i really feel disturbed that it seems that just cos he's a rich guy, timothy chua (can't remember the @$$' surname) gets off with a measly 1K fine instead of any real punishment. guess it's really about having a good lawyer or friends in high places. oh well, guess that's why i'm trying to be a good law student, so that i can eventually put dumb @$$es like these where they belong, BEHIND BARS!

and on to the second and more pressing issue:

WHY THE HELL IS FAT SCOTT STILL IN AMERICAN IDOL!!?!!?

i mean seriously! when a fat, unattractive and less talented individual manages to stay in when first the best technical singer and then the most entertaining singeer in the competition get voted off is beyond me. i mean really, is america blind and deaf or do they really, really support an underdog to such a degree that they'd choose this piece of trash over the last two contestants who were eliminated?

let me qualify myself lest you out there think me a lookist. fat scott, if he had a great singing ability and charisma, would deserve to still be in the contest. no question. but sheesh! he's talented no doubt, but his singing at best is mediocre, and his personality really leaves much to be desired. he's always got a sour look on his face, he looks as if he has a problem with everyone out there and he seems to be as much a bad winner as he is a bad loser. his response to criticism has always been to put others down and then when he wasn't in the bottom three last night he acted as if it was his God-given right and like he really expected no less.

i would abosolutely HATE it if he actually won AI. rueben, i could somewhat understand, he was a better singer and he was at least a pleasent person. i don't agree that he should have won, but that's just me. fat scott? i think should be dispensed with the way america usually settles these things, with a shot gun to the chest.

Indeed. Seaacrest out.

crim paper

2005-04-26T23:43:00.000+08:00

Suffice to say it was a toughie.

Had a good de-stress after that though. Went to McDonald's at west coast park for dinner. With amusing incident at the drive thru. All because of SHEN! Anyway a night of wackiness ensued. We had our dinner, climbed the giant spider web and played Uno. You know things are going downhill when Shen (again!) and Ah Hui start singing "This is the game that doesn't end."

Well really, it didn't. Paul, Kev and I got stuck for a good 15 mins trying to off load our damn cards, and because of bad shuffling, it took forever!

Oh well. It was good to take a break before we get down to studying for contract. The dreaded CONTRACT.

Ugh. I agree with ya all the way Suzie! Going by tutorial-wise we need help! Majorly.

Oh quote of the day: "C'mon man she's soooooo last sem!"

nite out with Jey

2005-04-23T01:26:00.000+08:00

tonight was one of those nice nights out with my best friend. we had pretty good dinner, then watched Sahara. pretty good buddy movie, just sit back and enjoy the trash talking and mindless-action/violence.

and there was an underlying message. don't dump toxic waste in the desert, or the WHO comes down hard on ur ass.

then it was off to the airport for drinks. had a chai tea, which is pretty decent actually, don't really regret choosing it cos it was an interesting drink.

had a really good time all in all. we reminisced about old times, talked abt our current lives. and jey mentioned something that i just had to agree with, that if u recorded any of our conversations from JC right up til now u could probably have the beginnings of a pretty good hit comedy.

haha especially when u take into account our conversations involved the smelly people around us who obviously had all the hygene of a common cockroach, this pudgy guy i dubbed 'jack black' and the ang moh that jey christianed 'jude law from cold mountain'. didn't get why at first, then i saw the beard...

caustic

2005-04-21T02:01:00.000+08:00

brain like bacon fried in acid
phantom anger misdirected
mind is spinnin' nothing placid
i am feelin' disaffected

ride my bike to flee the crowd
pulse is racing thru my veins
walking corpses without shrouds
idiots all trapped in their pains

crowds of people i can't stand 'em
beat them, cut them, watch them bleed
they to me, nothing but phlegm
waste of flesh, all human weed

thoughts of hatred, so destructive
make me want to kick and scream
how i want them all to just give
up on their insipid dream

my soul so full of bleak disquiet
rustling anger seething rage
mind like churning rolling riot
as my life turns page to page

spinning twisting out of synch
all around me mirrors show
judging how i feel and think
my own visage brings me low

to escape to bliss and slience
to renounce this mortal coil
slip away and no return hence
no more hurt and no more toil

hurry now and come to take me
to Your castles in the sky
watching, waiting, wanting to be
free, for my life's one big lie

scars

2005-04-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

emotional. physical. spiritual.

we all have 'em. and they make us stronger, tougher, more resilient.

i've been thru alot, ask around. thambi knows, and now so do some of my tg14ers.
psst. i'll give u a hint, slightly large psycho-ex.

but aside from that i've had my fair share of being battered around by the vissicitudes (sp?) of life.

that said, storm in teacup over, i find myself in an interesting place. shen pointed out today that if u know someone u love has been terribly hurt, don't u wanna protect them more to prevent it from happening. my answer was:

Erm no. funnily enuff, it's actually the opposite. i think people who've been kicked in the nuts by life are actually better at taking care of themselves.

that said, the ones i think that need more protection are those who haven't been kicked in the nuts by life. when i see how bright and happy u are, your hopes, dreams and ambitions, your idealisms that haven't yet been stomped on and trampled underfoot, i want to shield u from the inevitable. some people can live their whole lives without their protective bubble shattering and in someways i think that's a blessing.

treasure ur innocence while u can. it truly is a gift. and for those of us who are shell-shocked, broken by life and sometimes who feel like life's taken a phenomenal dump on us. well, things of beauty still exist. moments of joy, true, shining, streams of gold sunlight through the coulds joy. find it in ur lovers eyes or the warmth of a kitten curled in ur arms. whatever. it's there. nothing's so bleak that there's no hope.

Bree with a Gun

2005-04-18T23:33:00.000+08:00

One word:

HAWT

beach nites

2005-04-17T11:47:00.000+08:00

was another day of studying, this time at pac coffee co with shen and paul... hmm, seems that we end up asking each other alot of technical questions about crim, but i guess it really does help us understand crim principles better.

then paul and i tried to find some place to eat, but there wasn't any place to park around arab street so we headed over to holland v for dinner with ah hui, mel and kev.

to round up the day, paul and ah hui got alcohol and we went to changi beach again to just chill, hang out and talk. guess we're getting closer, cos talk centred around stuff like family and all which at least for me, is a topic i don't discuss except with people i'm more comfortable with.

Nice watching planes go by, just that well at least for me when a plane goes directly overhead, i dunno if it's the noise or just some innate human thing, i feel like something's gonna fall from the sky and squash me like a bug... kinda like the stories u hear about a poor unlucky cow who gets killed by frozen pee or shit from a plane flying overhead... haha memories of last night's conversation about shit meterorites burning up in the atmmosphere come to mind.

Lazy Friday

2005-04-15T11:57:00.000+08:00

changi beach late at night is really very nice. peaceful, quiet, tranquil. if it were less brightly lit it would be ideal, haha but that makes me sound like some deviant. i guess i should qualify that by saying that i like the night to be darker, that is even if u want light, it should be just enough to see by and not blinding, harsh glare.

was nice to just sit and watch the planes overhead and talk about going to different places. there's something about looking up as planes going overhead that makes me feel wistful about not going on holiday anywhere this holiday. i guess i've just got wanderlust in my veins. it's not that i don't like singapore, i think in someway i do, made my peace with the country and stuff, but the thrill of walking around a new city/town, getting lost in the quait little shops and being in a foreign place is just one of the most 'alive' feelings.

then it was off to the airport for a cup of tea, haha i don't understand why i seem to be the only one who likes camomille... the coffee bean has an incredible blend of lemon and camomille... don't have it that often, but when i do, it's nice. really helps to relax. more talk. this time about school. well i guess u can't get away from that can u? ehy bud, i think u'll do fine like i told u last night, just keep aiming for what u wanna achieve and u'll get there.

Oh haha, this is a shout out to lylee and suzie! thanks for posting on my little corner of the world!

haha i am hot according to a mysterious stranger! how cool is that?! and i apparently know u? the suspense kills me. :)
er... you're not a guy are u? :P

Seacrest out!

Legal Theory Bane of my Existence part deux

2005-04-12T23:19:00.000+08:00

All i can say is a resounding WAH LAU!

These questions are pretty tough, well not that the first round were easy.
Ok, have read thru, but i wonder if i have anything to say for qn 1. hopefully like last sem the inspiration santa will bequeath me with the necessary guidance to get thru.

today was well spent. had lunch with syl, jordan, paul, sam and the gigglys (shen, melissa and pam) it was a strange new experience, like two alternate realities colliding. but in a good way.

then i saw syl's house for the first time. SYLVIA has a pretty cool room (ask her abt the 'rate my body game'!) anyway we read or formulated our legal theory ideas and jordan even managed his first 5 paras. (jordan please don't call me a sage! i really know as much as u or probably even less!)

anyway dinner at an aircon prata place (how cool is that? aircon and prata, a new experience, the coolness of aricon with the crispiness of prata - dining will never be the same) good food, good company, life is sweet, lt paper not withstanding. it's this that we'll remember when we're 35 not how much we slogged on our lt paper. really guys! we rock!

Dinner with Dianne

2005-04-11T03:11:00.000+08:00

moots are over and Dianne (our legal writing tutor) invited us over for drinks and then dinner at the really excellent Vienna Cafe. as always the evening is entertaining with jordan's comments and Dianne's rebuttals. interesting to find out what her first impressions of us are: paul and huiyi are the smart-ass and potential smart-ass, shen's the quite-girl-turned-noisy, mel's the shy one, linda's the one who will end up knowing more than Dianne, jordan's the one who will be one Dianne's back the most, yong wei's the intelligent one, lydia's the one with word power, kerong's the musician, sylvia's the pretty one and me? haha i'm the schizophrenic one apparently with many first impressions. but apparently the most memorable one for dianne was the token law king nominee that all her classes have had.

wunderbar, i am a himbo, destined for greatness as a robotic, pretty boy. haha well i suppose there are worse things, i could be ugly.

and then after dinner believe it or not i get COERCED! into going to where? K-BOX!!! i must say it was an interesting experience tho' shen sings funny songs we've never heard before like 'Will you be my girlfriend' - some teenybopper song, and some violent chinese songs by grasshoppers and some gangster girl trio. ah well all in good fun

bike ride back was pleasent, it always is at night when u practically have the whole road to urself and you can just enjoy the ride and not focus on whatever vehicles are in front or behind u. nothing but empty road stretching to the horizon. must be why the cowboys liked living the semi-nomadic life, never knowing where the next bend will lead u. well almost anyway... kinda hard not to know where the PIE leads after u've travelled it a few times.

DAMN, looks like my law king nominee DIMBO-ness is coming out again. so i will end here with and apt: World Peace.

Moots Over!

2005-04-10T09:52:00.000+08:00

The moots are over, and they we're fun in their own way. i know i did well so am quite happy with my performance and proud of all my tg 14ers too. shen especially! i think u really kicked ur opponent's ass!

after that had quite a nua time, just relaxing and recovering from the 'tension' of the moots that had been hanging over my head. tried the curry fried chicken thing at kfc which is more interesting than spectacular, but hey it's like 5 bucks for what's basically a two-piece meal, so that's a good thing.

had 'supper' with jordan, kerong, shen, paul and amos. but if only paul and i ate, is that still supper? the fried mushrooms and calamari rings at swensen's are pretty decent snack food, i recommend them.

looking forward to visiting dianne and having dinner with the tg, will prob be our last 'official' function as a grp.

and there's legal theory take home that's looming in the background. sigh. but i'm sure i'll find a way to manage the question, just gotta make sure i have enough time to read the important bits and formulate my thoughts properly too.

Morning before moots

2005-04-09T08:46:00.000+08:00

'Twas the morning before moots
And all thru the house,
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a mouse.

How does a mouse stir anything without opposable thumbs anyway?

I am pretty psyched. This is like going on American Idol, u go up there, say your say and then the judges deliberate then comment on your performance. Haha. gotta get over the butterflys-in-stomach feeling, but i think i'll be fine.

few hours to go. tick-tock, tick-tock

Death

2005-04-08T17:01:00.000+08:00

was reading Hui Yi's thoughts on her grandmother's death and it's effects on her and just thought i'd share my own thoughts on the subject.

i think i'm 'lucky' in the sense that in a way i've come to grips with my own mortality, at least in the sense that i know that when it's my time, i'll be comfortable to go and it won't be until that time. guess that comes from my strong belief that God has indeed got a plan for me, whatever that may be, and until that plan is finished, He won't take me home (assuming of course that i've repented and follow Him - which is an issue for me at the moment)

my granny died when i was away too, well my paternal one anyway, the one who raised me, and although i can't say i remember her all that well now, i know that she loved me alot and as most grammas do, probably spoilt me. haha
so i was probably about 8 or 9, and living in the States when it happened and i know at that time it didn't really hit me. but later on i'd hear things from my relatives like 'she loved u alot and she was waiting for u to come back and tried to hang on' and stuff.
that didn't really hit me either, until one day, maybe selfishly, i thought about that and in self misery and pity compounded my already dark mood and blamed myself for not having come back earlier (not that i could, but when u wanna wallow that's not really an issue is it?) anyway, selfish or not i realise now, that my granny loved me, the way most grandparents dote on their grandkids. not because i was a favourite or even because i was particularly adorable, but simply because that's the way nature intended it to be.

the world's always a sadder place when someone you love, someone who's 'great' in your eyes moves on, and i think part of you realises that you will never see that person again. never hear their laugh or see their smile, listen to their voice telling u stories or singing u to sleep.

But in remembering them, in treasuring their memory, you keep them in your heart and you know that whereever they are, they still love u and want the best for you.

HY i remember u were so upset when u got the news and u felt so bad, that's probably natural, but i'm glad u're feeling better now and that u seem to be realising that u're not to blame and that your granny still loves you. we should all treasure the people around us, whether family or friend cos i think really i'd feel like i lost a little part of myself if ever anyone i knew and loved moved on too.

to all u out there that i know, my friends and family alike, i don't say this enuff to: i do indeed LOVE u guys, even if i don't say it or show it. u guys mean alot to me. take good care of urselves and let's all grow old together. i wanna see ur husbands and wives and play with ur kids and even grandkids. haha i don't even mind being the scary, evil uncle andre.

hmm, guess i've said all i wanted to say here. God bless, y'all.

Seacrest out.

Rain

2005-04-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

it has a cleansing relaxing feel and it's so nice that the night is relatively cooler.

yeah it rained and my driving lesson was more interesting for it. got told that i drive too fast tho, so i guess that's something to watch out for.

so much to do in so little time. moots on sat and boy am i worried i'll screw up.
happy for paul, jordan, mel, lydia, kerong and sylvia though, seems they all did well today and also escaped the brunt of the tekkan, well with the exception of syl, but then i heard she acquitted herself well so that's good.

anyway got back from school and took like a 45 min nap before going off for driving and felt like someone threw me in a bag and beat me with an iron pole. almost wanted to cancel, but glad i didn't

Hmm, and managed to read my penal code on the way back too. so all in all a somewhat productive use of my time.

saw like 3 'new' law people today... honestly, am i just blind or are people like hiding or skipping lectures vicariously? it's amazing, like every sem someone new seems to appear that i have never seen before.

Christ

2005-04-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

Path of righteousness or ruin
How do i decide?
Did You equip me to deal with life
Or am i supposed to learn
And in so doing find You?

So many choices, both good and bad
Mostly bad, and yet You forgave
I felt You, knew who You are
Now I'm not so sure
You gave me vision, am i now blind?

Lead me back, to the Light
The Darkness is comfortable
But it's stealing everything
Consuming, until i'm lost and unknown
But can a child of darkness find the Light?

I need to find my way
Back to the simple things
Of holding Your hand
Resting in Your arms
Do you still know me?

Can you send me someone?
Can anyone help me find You?
Do You still know my name?
Am i still Your child?
Lord and Saviour i await.

FAT

2005-04-06T14:17:00.000+08:00

I am FAT. Disgustingly, over-weightedly, such-high-BMI-i-would-be-in-the-obses-range FAT.

I mean like i'm now like 75 freakin' KGS.

Ok plan, lose at least 10 kg in 2 months? Is that even possible? Any nutritionists out there?

Sigh.

From tmr i think i'm gonna have to start dieting, and exercising more. don't wanna leave law school looking like the blob's fat cousin joe.

Darn, why do only a few lucky people have anorexia and bulimia?

Conundrum

2005-04-06T14:12:00.000+08:00

Hmm, it's odd but being back in school really makes me feel like i belong to two different worlds.

On sat nite had dinner with my JC classmates, all of whom are working and some have started families (ie gotten married - no class babies yet). Conversation topic for the nite centered around buying houses, owning cars and reminiscing on days of yore. Can't say that i can really relate anymore, cos honestly as a student, with friends in school who are younger, and have not experienced life, it's hard to connect with people who are working and do have disposable incomes and lives that go beyond what school life was all about. I do feel a little left behind i must say, but i really like being a student at the same time. So i guess, i'm sorry to my mid-20-something friends out there, but if i look lost or vacant, or even uninterested in your conversation topics, it's not because i don't care. It's just harder for me to understand cos i'm living the daily life of a student and the rare times i do meet up with you it's like seeing another life i have. It's not bad, don't get me wrong, it's just significantly different.

And then today, we had lunch, TG 14-ers. Topic turned to love and well, the usual stuff. (haha u can already see the difference huh? - actually we did discuss love on sat nite, but i think it was more along the lines of damn i'm gonna get left on the shelf kinda love talk). Anyway, i dunno was a good lunch and fun too, different fun. Sometimes it's like i'm two different people. With my older friends i'm this razor-tongued, well... bitch for want of a better word. With friends from law school? Not so much i think, or well u guys can leave me comments and let me know yeah?

Hmm, then went to the gym with mum after contract lecture. I'm annoyed. My gym's getting more and more crowded. There's this shameless indian dude who like does stupid body builder poses in front of the mirror when he looks more like a rock than The Rock. Ugh not pretty. Thambi, i think u know who i mean, assuming u read this.

Oh well tmr's a free day, hopefully to catch up with legal theory or practice my moots more.

Second Wife

2005-04-06T02:50:00.000+08:00

One cannot marry
If you have a wife, unless
Seven years no news.

Ok haiku doesn't adequately surmise the law. Sue me.

Seacrest out.

Peas and Honey

2005-04-05T14:55:00.000+08:00

More innane poetry, this is actually attributable to someone but i can't for the life of me remember who now.

i eat my peas with honey,
i've done it all my life.
they do taste kinda funny,
but it keeps them on my knife.

Monday Nite

2005-04-05T14:51:00.000+08:00

Hmm, all in all a pretty good day.

Had good time discussing moot problem with Paul and Kevin, then had zer cha, or however it is you spell that.

That is after ice cream and some pretty interesting stuff for lunch.

Seem to be travelling back in time.

Anyway to fast forward, Striperella was disappointing, somehow it has just lost the wit it had in the first couple of episodes and now it pretty much blows.

Desperate as usual was great. And it's always excellent to see the perfect Bree crack even if it's for a moment.

She's perfect. Cool, composed, collected. Then when she strikes it is mercilessly and without remorse.

It's fascinating how she can go from hope for her husband's return to abject loathing, but that's life for you. Think i've been there myself. Swinging from highs to lows in the swiftest breath.

Oh and i got to beep the horn today! I hope i inspired some road rage, if not that would just be a sad thing. Haha.

Also reminisced with Paul about how cool our tg is and how we've all grown together in spite of the fact that before law school none of us really hung out together. It's interesting how life sometimes randomly throws people together.

Hope we will continue to be tight like this thruout law school.

Cars and chicks

2005-04-05T00:30:00.000+08:00

On the way to school this morning was listening to the radio and Glenn (sp?) and Flying FD were talking abt how chicks generally think guys without a driving license are a turn-off.
I think I knida agree (haha luckily for me i'm in the midst of learning, so am only a temporary turn-off). After getting a bike i kinda understand why. I mean once u have your own ride, taking public transport is kinda like the biggest pain in the world, not just because u actually have to be in the presence of other ppl, but also because of the time and the not having seats and all.

So sue me, I'm shallow. But what can i say? I really think once you've gotten used to the convenience of having ur own transport, u don't really care to share your journey with people u don't actually know. The number of times i've broke-ified myself taking a cab is testament to this.

On an unrelated note, I can see why women who marry rich men are allowed to sue for maintenance now... I mean i guess it's the same principle really. Once u get used to something, your own transport, a tai-tai lifestyle... u never really wanna live like a 'normal' person anymore. haha normal is boring, ordinary sucks... i've always thought so anyway. guess that's what makes me a freak.

But admit it, i wouldn't be half as entertaining if i wasn't would i?

Sigh

2005-04-03T17:15:00.000+08:00

Sorry guys, morose nite with thoughts as below resulting.

Can't even type straight haha.

Anyways, just in case i never get around to saying it, all you guys who are friends, THANK YOU.

You have made existence more bearable. Made me forget at one time or other how much life can suck.

And most of all you are just there.

Seacrest out.

Scars Upon my Heart

2005-04-03T17:10:00.000+08:00

i sit here and peel away layer after layer
thru flesh, sinew, bone, soul and spirit
and i find an utter mess, an empty shell
a pretty nothing, devoid of meaning
i cut myself deep and find my veins flow
not with blood but water
brown, foul, brackish, toxic, unclean
why have i become this abomination?
what is my purpose, plaything or blessed?
cruel joke or untold story?
sometimes it's hard not to hate myself
who i am and what i am
despicable, rebellious, anarchical
and totally, utterly hypocritical
my soul is hungry for what? love, lust?
i can't tell anymore
all i know is there is so much aloneness
and all around me there are people with people
makes me wonder are my problems so big
or am i just being a selfish, self-absorbed child
i want to feel clean again, breathe again, love again
FEEL again
but there's nothing, just cold, long unending silence
God have you forsaken me?

Legal Theory Bane of my Existence

2005-04-01T04:23:00.000+08:00

What would you do for a sweet potato?
Do you lie awake at night and dream of it?

Who knows what lies in the mind of a sweet potato;
Caught between a sugar and a starch.

I think we need the sweet potato,
Full orange sheathed in skin of brown.

Proud and mighty! Sweet potato,
Turns your smiles into a frown.

Alas, the belligerent sweet potato,
Cannot my boredom long allay.

The distant, purile Sweet potato,
That grows in soil and dirt and clay.

German meatloaf and sausages

2005-03-31T11:25:00.000+08:00

That's what shen, paul and i had for lunch.

Then it was off to study, or rather piece together a kick-ass public policy argument for our moots. We're pretty confident, and i think we have reason to be. ; )

Hmm, also first time in the circuit for driving... Pretty alright, just drove around alot and tried this reverse directional change thing. So far so good. At least there aren't any damn poles to strain your neck looking for. Maybe i shoulda just taken auto, but well that'd be pretty wussy for a guy.

Ah well, for the day when i can afford a sports car and also drive it in a country where changing gears is not an irrelevant part of existence.

In honour of lunch.

Seacrest Aus!

Somebody help!!!

2005-03-30T16:56:00.000+08:00

As tech-idiot extraordinaire, I implore those who understand these cold hard machines to show me how to link people and be linked in return.

How very reverse Lord of the Flies. What I'd give for a guy named Piggy to sacrifice to the god of computers.

My first blog!

2005-03-30T16:32:00.000+08:00

Ok for a techno no-nothing like me this is a big step.

I'm like old as in ancient by way of the other people in school, kinda like comparing a 286 to a pentium... If you guys even remember what those are... Haha like using DOS and watching Batman with a potbelly...

I think I should stop dating or rather carbon-dating myself.

Hmm, so what do people write on these things anyway? I've always thought that people with blogs must be incredible exhibitionists, and well here I am, yammering away with nary a thought as to what random stranger might stumble by and look at my verbal barrage.

Oh well I blame Shen Lin.

Yes. You. Haha, you showed me where to sign up after all.

Damn, gotta stop this fartage of words.

Seacrest out.